Strengthen Your Love-Life On The Holidays


You might expect me to start talking about better things to wear, better places to go, and better people to meet. I know better than that. My research on love has taught me that you improve your love-life by improving yourself.

You might not know what I’m talking about, so let me spell it out for you. If you want to make your love-life better, stop what you’re doing right now, sit still for a few minutes, and let my words invite you to think about yourself.

Are you happy? If not, why not? Are there things you can change about yourself that would improve your life? Make a list. I know it might sound corny, but who stops long enough to think clearly about what they can change about themselves?

Most people keep on making the same mistakes over and over again until it hurts. You’re getting a head start. You’re trying to change before it gets critical. Make a list, it will concentrate your thinking.

The holidays are full of energy and emotion. This energy will get you started. The emotion will give you the drive to change things about yourself that you’ve been putting off. Remember, your love-life is always a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

If you’re trying to run away from your personal feelings and thoughts by changing things in the world around you hoping that will change how you feel, don’t waste your time. You have to change yourself to change your love-life. Let me emphasize that, you have to change yourself to change your love-life.

The holiday season is designed to make us feel the love we have to give and the love we need. If you have love in your heart but you are normally reserved, step out of yourself and give what you have. Do it as an experiment and see how you feel, and the reaction you get from the people you give love to. Something comes back to you when something like this happens.

If you normally shy away from the love that is offered to you, try an experiment, and receive it this once. See how you feel letting yourself be loved. If there are people in your life that you care about and no longer speak to, use the holiday spirit to risk a reconciliation. In a moment your relationship with this person could change back to friendship. It’s already at zero, what do you have to lose?

Getting back to yourself, remember self-esteem or how we feel about ourselves is based upon a relationship. The relationship you have with yourself. Some of you might find this way of thinking to be a little strange. I’ll admit we don’t normally think in terms of what kind of relationship we have with ourselves.

I’m here to tell you, that if you start thinking along these lines, very interesting possibilities emerge. One of the greatest New Year’s resolutions you could ever make is to improve your relationship with yourself. Think of yourself as someone you have to get to know better. As someone you are going to devote yourself to. As someone you are going to take better care of.

With a little practice and patience, you’ll eventually feel better about you. Once that happens, everyone else in the world gets a different ‘reading’ from you. They’ll pick up that you feel better about you and have a better quality love to give. In fact, you won’t settle for anything less in return.

Funny thing is, people with the same better quality love to give always manage to come around when we feel better about ourselves. Happy holidays.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan


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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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