Am I Too Old To Be In Love?


If you’re asking this question (Am I too old to be in love?), you’re probably nervous about being able to ‘handle’ being in love at ‘your age.’ Handle of course means ‘control’ the effects of love.

You probably believe that love would be overwhelming in some way. You might even believe that love is only for younger people.

Maybe you believe that something happens to our ability to be in love when we grow old. You probably think we ‘naturally’ lose the ability to be in love when we age.

If you’re just thinking about the effects of aging on sex, let me remind you, being ‘in love’ goes way beyond physical sex. Anyone who has been ‘in love’ with someone will tell you the feeling is about being together in all kinds of ways not just sexually.

Now if you and I were talking about this face to face, you might even provide we with all kinds of examples to support these beliefs of yours. You might even tell me about the waning of your own love-life and the love-lives of other senior people you know.

As I see it, there are two possibilities. One is you’re right and there is a biological and/or psychological change that takes place as we grow old that reduces our ability to be ‘in love.’ With sufficient aging we lose it altogether. If this is correct, we might as well get used to the fact.

The other possibility is, you and others like you are the victim of what you believe. It goes something like this, if you believe something deeply enough, are totally convinced of it, what you believe will come to pass.

I can see you asking me, how can this be? The best answer I can give you is, it’s a ‘function’ of the mind to create our private experience whether or not we are aware of it.

In my professional and personal life I have seen so many examples of this I am convinced myself that it is, like I said, a function of the mind. The crazy part is the implications of such a thing.

Most people aren’t even aware of how they create their own misery. In fact, much of my work involves showing them how they do so. Often it is easier for someone else to see. It is so gratifying to see people change the form their lives are taking once they become aware of how they are making something happen against their own best interests and health.

If you’re right and I’m wrong, I’d better start enjoying my love-life now even more than I would otherwise. Maybe I should spend a little more time with my wife and son instead of writing all these posts because my ability to be in love will inevitably wane since I’m getting up there in years (just a joke).

If I’m right and you’re wrong, you get a chance to re-examine and challenge what you believe about growing old and being in love. I believe you’ll discover that your ability to be in love never leaves you.

Your ability to be in love was there at the beginning of your life and will be there at the end of your time on earth. Wouldn’t it be great if a simple change in what you believe could produce a different consequence?

If you believe in your capacity to love and be loved at any age, it’s sure to have a powerful effect on your experience of life.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. T. Jordan


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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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