Married And Using Prostitutes

Why would a married man use prostitutes? Maybe his wife isn’t giving him enough sex and he’s frustrated. He doesn’t want to leave his wife so he pays for sex when he needs to.

Or he has an extra large libido. His spouse can’t satisfy him so in addition to having sex with his wife he supplements by using prostitutes to get rid of the extra sexual need.

Or he enjoys the ‘dirty’ thrill of frequenting prostitutes on the sly and getting away with it. No one in his family knows he has this habit and he is careful to indulge in it secretively.

Maybe he doesn’t like to have the wild sex he fantasizes about with his gentle childlike wife. He protects his wife from what he feels is whorish sex but indulges in wild sex with women he pays to do it with.

Whatever superficial reason there is for a married man to use prostitutes, there will always be a percentage of married men on the client list of prostitution. It’s safe to say that the presence of prostitutes in the sex life of a married couple is a certain kind of ‘triangular’ relationship. Ordinarily when a person cheats on his or her lover with someone he or she forms a relationship with, a triangle is formed.

In the traditional triangle, the cheating person retains a relationship with two lovers. The triangle represents an effort to ‘solve’ a marital problem with the presence of another lover. In reality it is not a solution, just a reformulation of the problem into something else.

The marital problem is put on hold and the cheater’s energy now goes into ‘managing’ the triangular relationships. Of course ‘manage’ in most cases means keeping the two lovers away from each other. In the prostitution triangle, the third party may be in some instances the same woman over time, but in many instances, the third party is a different prostitute each time sex is procured outside the marriage.

The advantage here, if there is one, is that the triangle is weakened by the fact that the third party is not a single person who is drawn into a relationship over time. You could consider this temporary triangle to be a better way to cheat on a spouse, less threatening to the marriage in the long-run. The added element of a relationship with the other lover is not there to compete with the marriage. Paid sexual partners are business people.

Prostitution for prostitutes, at least on the surface, is simply a means of making money. This is not the language of emotional attachment and relationship. Clients are simply ‘johns,’ a term meant to highlight the emotional anonymity of each client. Without a relationship with the other lover to compete with the marriage, the marital problem remains an issue of the marriage’s inability to contain and satisfy one of its participants (probably both).

Of course this is usually the case because the cheating individual has some kind of commitment problem that is being fed into by his spouse, none of which is being addressed directly and honestly in the marital relationship.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan


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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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