Love-Life Tip: Your Feeling About You

Here’s a guarantee at a time when guarantees are rare: change how you feel about you and your love-life will get better. Love-life defined as love in your interpersonal life whether it be in romance, friendship, family, or simply how you feel about people. The point is love has an affinity for positive self-esteem. Now you are supposed to ask, how do I improve my self-esteem and reap the benefits of more love in my life? Let’s start with something simple. Identify one thing about you that you think needs to change for you to feel better about you. Just one thing.

Everybody has a ‘list’ of things they would like to change about themselves for a better quality of life. Is it a change in how you look, what you do, how you think or feel, whatever it is, it’s something that will make you feel better about you. Believe it or not, this is the hardest part. You’ve probably gotten used to living a certain way, comfortable you might say. Change might feel like a hassle. Well, you have to put something into this to get something out of it. Here’s where you get to make your decision whether or not to really improve your love-life. If things are OK the way they are fine. If not, you have to apply yourself to make this one change in yourself.

Once that’s done and you’re practicing this change in you and resisting the temptation to go back to the way things were, you now have to appreciate something else about yourself. The fact is, you are a unique individual. What that means is, there is no other individual on this earth, wait universe, exactly like you. You know in this world of commerce and value, uniqueness is priceless. One of a kind means you could never truly replicate an item. You’re in that category.

Once you realize the importance of individual uniqueness, it’s hard to go back to just lumping yourself into the crowd. Your personal uniqueness is the true indication of your value, if such a judgment of value were ever warranted. This becomes even more important when you consider the fact that true love is heightened by the fact of individual uniqueness. For example, when you fall in love with someone, that individual is the only one.

The fact of individual uniqueness locates the person that you are loving. This is why a true lover’s heart breaks. Because there is only one of his or her beloved. Once the lover is lost he or she cannot be replaced. Someone else may be loved later on, but replacement, substitution, forget it. This is why true lovers have to grieve when love is lost. So practice reflecting on your uniqueness, it will help you return to the truth about you and start attracting the love you seek.

Lastly, I’ll point out the importance of taking care of yourself when you’re interested in upgrading your love-life. There are a lot of people taking care of other people out there in the big wide world. In many instances, people are taking care of people who don’t really need to be taken care of. In fact all that unnecessary care taking is only creating dependency and dysfunction. I meet a lot of people in my profession who are taking care of others and not taking care of themselves.

People in this category often fall prey to burnout and depression. Their depression is telling them that something inside is being neglected. Taking care of oneself means that you keep an eye out for anything you are doing that falls in the self-destructive category. Simply put, self-destruction is antithetical to love. But you already knew that. Plus, when you are devoted to taking care of yourself you are not neglecting others.

I’m not talking about narcissism here, far from it. You are simply trying to live a balanced life, taking care of others when necessary while taking care of yourself. You work on getting rid of as much self-destructiveness and self-neglect as possible. If you practice doing this awhile you’ll get better at it and start feeling good about you. Love will naturally find you under these conditions. Dr. T. Jordan







Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

Leave a Comment