I’m Falling For A Man With A Kid

You fell in love. The only problem is the man has a kid. Is this your problem and if so why? In this post we’ll talk about the pros and cons to falling in love with a ‘single’ man who has a kid (or in some cases more than one).

If you made some kind of promise to yourself that you would never get serious about a guy with a child, let’s talk about it a little. A woman doesn’t make a promise like this unless she doesn’t like children, doesn’t want to raise anybody else’s kids, or she believes that once you’ve had a kid (or more than one) you are tarnished in some way (variation on losing your virginity theme).

If you don’t like kids, fine, not much to say except, good luck finding someone without kids who doesn’t want kids. And I really mean that. You should get what you want. There are plenty of single people out there without children and I know some of them don’t want kids.

Now suppose you made this promise to yourself because you didn’t want to raise someone else’s kids. So you want kids, just not someone else’s kids. So you’re not like the person who doesn’t want kids. You want kids, just your own.

Watch out, because if you want kids you’re susceptible to the influence of children and men who have children. You’ll appreciate the fact that this guy that you met takes care of his kid the way he does. Chances are it will warm your heart.

This will be a problem for you because if you get warmed up like that you might start overlooking that fact that he has a kid. Now, if you’re absolutely convinced it’s better to give up on a potential love with the father of a child because you want to stay true to your promise. Get away quickly.

I might remind you before you go, about how rare true love can be. If you’re already ‘in love’ with this guy and getting away because your potential lover has a child, you may regret your loss. If you decide to look into the possibility that your promise may have been made prematurely, meaning before you met this particular guy, you’re about to let your heart decide what to do. In my mind, you have the makings of a true lover and you’re courageous too.

Of course, there is a chance you could fall in love with his child. I must caution you, if that happens you’ll have two loves to contend with and it’ll be impossible to leave. Oh well, don’t worry, that is one of the most beautiful love-life problems to have. Good luck trying to figure out how to love two people at the same time. You are one lucky lady.

If you think a man with a kid is tarnished or used up in some way, I feel sorry for you. A single man devoted to the care of a daughter or son from a previous relationship that stopped working or never worked at all, is a sign of the capacity to love and be responsible.

As far as I know, it is harder for a man to get custody of a young child than his or her mother. Some one in authority decided that this father has what it takes to love and offer the best care for his child. He has the capacity to love and be responsible at the same time. Two wonderful qualities when it comes to judging character and picking a lover.

To all the single men out there who are fathers of a child or children, you are one of the best expressions of what is most noble in the character of men. If you’re a single father reading this, I truly hope you know what I mean.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan


Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.


  1. iza on September 16, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    Hi. I was just flirting with this guy whom at first i thought was single, but then on our first date, the first time i met him, he became so honest he told me he has three kids. His wife lives with him, too. But they’re not married. they just plainly live and do the parent role for the kids. But i still gave in because i was physically attracted to him. We made love, and after a week we met again. We had it for the 2nd time, and this time, we had a deeper connection to each other. He wanted to pretend to be my boyfriend. i told him it would be very hard, i tried to leave, but im starting to have this “hurt” feeling. i dont wanna let him go. What could be other ways of staying away from him? I’m afraid i’m beginning to fall for him.

    • andrea on November 3, 2015 at 9:31 am

      wow iza, i’m having the same problem as you! how did it go? were you able to stay away or what? let me know, i’m currently in that same situation right now 🙁

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