I’m Falling For A Woman With A Kid

You fell in love with a woman who has a child from another man. She may have been married or not. The point is she has a kid. She comes as a ‘package deal.’

You’ve sworn up and down that you would never get involved, really involved, with a woman who has a child. As a single man out there in the dating world, you figured women with kids were OK to fool around with but not to get really serious about. This was your belief and you were sticking to it.

The problem is, you fell in love. OK it’s still early enough in the relationship. You could walk away before there’s too much damage. Or you could scare her off by doing something stupid. Right? Wrong. You fell in love with her.

OK, suppose the kid doesn’t like you. That’ll take care of the relationship. She could never be with a man her kid didn’t like right? You fell in love with her and chances are the kid likes you because it matters to you because, you guessed it, you fell in love with her.

You never wanted a ‘ready made family.’ Sometimes you think to yourself that you’re not about to be bringing up someone else’s kid. Right? Sorry, you’re going against your own philosophy because, you fell in love with her.

When you think about leaving. Just getting away from her and the relationship, you pause. Let’s say you’ve tried it before. You made yourself absent for a while, she got worried, the kid missed you, and you were off somewhere doing some really deep thinking (or drinking). After a while it got harder than you thought it would be to stay away because, you fell in love with her.

If the father of her child is uninvolved, that makes it a little bit easier for you. You might even start to think an absent father would make it a little easier for you to step into the vacant role of father, if you decided to marry her. Now you’re getting carried away, right?

If the guy is an active parent, isn’t that going to feel uncomfortable all the time? You wonder if you’ll be stepping on his ‘parenting toes,’ so to speak, if you get too close to his son or daughter. Stepfather? All of this thinking and doubting only creates uneasiness, but not enough to leave because, you fell in love with her.

The worse thing that could happen is, you fall in love with her kid. Let’s say you start spending a lot of time together. You’re reliable and friendly and you express your ‘love’ for her child. The love showed up without warning, kind of like on its own.

At the beginning, you liked the kid because you were trying to impress the mother. After a while you caught yourself doing it because you grew fond of the kid. You know, people can rub off on you after a while.

After a while you stopped caring about whether or not somebody else was the ‘biological’ father. You started seeing the kid as an individual and loving him or her for who he or she is. Another person she loves in her world you’ve fallen in love with.

You start feeling, when all of you are together, that it’s natural, easy, even comfortable, more than you ever expected. You’re beginning to realize that what you choose to do with the love you feel, will have everything to do with how you’ll end up feeling about your life.

So you say yes to the relationship, and yes to the responsibility of taking care of her child in any way that fits into everyone’s life together. You’re a family man right from the start.

Congratulations! You had what it took. Now you’ve begun to realize that what you’ve found in the ‘package,’ is even more gratifying than what you expected to find.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan

Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

1 Comment

  1. Jamaal on April 14, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    This has kind of happened to me probably. A woman with 4 kids has a lot of the qualities i look for in a woman. We are definitely in the early stages. I can’t take care of my self let alone a whole pre-made family. Not sure what to do but thanks for this article.

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