Am I Psychologically Prepared For A Successful Matchmaking Experience?

There are two general categories of people looking for love in this world. Those who are psychologically prepared to form and sustain a healthy love relationship, and those who are not. The problem is, those who are not psychologically prepared, for the most part, believe that they are. Dating and matchmaking services are being utilized these days by both groups. If you are ready for a healthy love relationship and you have the good fortune of meeting another individual who is similarly prepared, there is a great probability of success. If you meet someone who is not ready and you do not know it from the beginning, assuming instead that they are, there is a great probability of disappointment. If you are not psychologically prepared for love and you believe that you are, the probability of repetitive love life disappointment is just about certain.

Because our culture and society does not emphasize or instruct us in the importance of working on our love lives, in particular the psychological aspects of our love lives, this high probability of love life disappointment continues unchecked. The best evidence for the truth of this statement lies in our relentlessly troubling divorce rate (40-50% divorce in a 1st marriage, 60% in a 2nd, and 73% in a 3rd marriage) and a declining interest in the institution of marriage itself. If we could get it, imagine what a “breakup statistic” would be? The statistical probability of breaking up a committed not married relationship after falling in love, even larger?

The increased popularity of matchmaking services indicates a natural human motivated need for love. Our best asset, in my opinion. Potential clients believe that personalized matchmaking services will mean greater success in forming and sustaining a love relationship. This will be true for many people. Unfortunately, without psychological preparation it is all too common for unconscious unhealthy learning about love relationships obtained from past unhealthy relationship experiences (starting from birth) to negatively complicate the search for a love relationship for too many others. The recurrent reality is that a percentage of individuals seeking love through personalized matchmaking services, or any other love procuring service, will only experience repeating disappointments for the duration of their love seeking experience. Once realized, what can we do about this?

If matchmakers anticipated the possibility that some clients, although motivated to try to find love, may not be psychologically prepared to form and/or sustain a healthy love relationship, this problem could be addressed at the outset. My experience providing private Love Life Consultations to individuals interested in maximizing their psychological preparedness for a healthy love relationship has shown me that the desire to form and sustain a healthy love relationship is one of the greatest motivators for changing ourselves.

Once the unhealthy familiar past interpersonal experiences that are replicated in an individual’s adult love life are made conscious, with a little support and guidance, most people start shifting their love life experiences away from repetitive disappointing ways of conducting their love lives. They begin consciously formulating what it is they don’t want in their love lives and clarifying what it is they need in their love lives. The probability of successful matching increases dramatically when this happens. And it’s not just about meeting the right person, it’s also about sustaining an intimate healthy love relationship with that right person.

The good news, of course, is that once we understand that these unhealthy love relationship replications are unconsciously learned, they can be made conscious, unlearned, and replaced with something that helps us find and keep the love we seek.

Comments welcome. Tell me about your love life concerns.

Dr. Thomas Jordan, clinical psychologist, author of Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life. Need help fixing your disappointing love life? Confidential Love Life Consultations available by phone, inquire at drtomjordan@lovelifelearningcenter.com.