Am I Being Abused In My Love-Life?


This post is meant to be a ‘quick reference’ or ‘crash course’ for anyone who thinks he or she is being abused while dating, in a love relationship or marriage. Once you’ve identified that you are being abused in one of the ways depicted in this post, the cure is always to ‘STOP THE ABUSE’ by any means possible.

There can never be any justifiable rationalization or excuses for abusive behavior. Only victims of abuse. Excuses are always part of the problem. Excuses allow the abuse to continue. If you want to be democratic think of it this way, abuse is unhealthy and destructive to both you and your abuser.

There are essentially five (5) different forms of abuse: verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and financial. Let’s talk about them one at a time.

Verbal Abuse: This type of abuse involves the use of ‘language’ to intentionally hurt and/or control you. Common examples of verbal abuse are: 1. calling you names, insulting or cursing at you, or putting you down; 2. telling you what to do, what to wear, or how to act; 3. harassment phone calling, excessive ‘texting,’ or e-mailing; 4. repeated demands to know who you’re with and where you are, and; 5. threats to hurt you and/or your friends, family, pets, or personal property.

Emotional Abuse: This type of abuse involves the disrespect, violation, and negative manipulation of your emotions to intentionally hurt and/or control you. Common examples of emotional abuse are: 1. going through your personal items or possessions without permission; 2. acting extremely jealous of your relationships with other people; 3. stopping you from spending time with friends or family; 4. blaming you for everything, and 5. wrongly accusing you of being a cheat or other offenses.

Physical Abuse: This form of abuse involves physical force used to threaten, intimidate, control, and/or hurt you. Common examples of physical abuse are: 1. shaking or grabbing; 2. pulling your hair; 3. slapping, punching, pinching, kicking or pushing you; 4. using objects or weapons to threaten or hurt you, and; 5. strangling you in a way that prevents you from breathing easily.

Sexual Abuse: This type of abuse involves sexually related advances or actions forced on you against your will. Common examples of sexual abuse are: 1. unwanted kissing or touching; 2. pressuring or forcing you to have sex or engage in other sexual acts, and; 3. manipulating or controlling your decisions about birth control or getting an abortion.

Financial Abuse:  This type of abuse takes place when someone is forcing you to give them money on one or many occasions by intimidating you or guilting you without any intention of repayment. Common forms of financial abuse are: 1. requesting a loan with false promises of repayment to help pay personal debt, start a business, etc.; 2. demanding and pressuring you to pay money ‘owed’ for things done for you as part of the relationship; 3. intentionally creating a financially dependent relationship where a person relinquishes the payment of adult financial responsibilities (e.g. rent, food, utilities) to you without repayment.

Your Rights: Remember, you have the following ‘relationship rights’ as an individual: 1. You have the right to refuse to go out with or be with or stay with someone; 2. You have the right to say ‘NO’ to anyone; 3. You have the right to have your thoughts and feelings expressed and respected; 4. You have the right to leave a relationship for any reason at any time, and; 5. You have the right to make personal choices without having to feel guilty or threatened by anyone.

For a peek at the psychological issues at work in the mind of the abusive person check out LLLC’s: Mind of the Abusive Lover. And if you’re really ambitious and would like to get an audio presentation on this subject go to our download store.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan


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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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