Love-Life Tip: Tell Me Don’t Assume!

Here’s a rule of thumb that will make your love relationship a little easier, guaranteed: don’t assume your lover should know what is in your head or your heart. I like to call this assumption playing ‘lover’s telepathy.’ This is where lovers communicate sympathetically to each other without words. Fascinating when it happens, and it will happen between people who love each other. But it’s not reliable enough when it comes to the business of growing a love relationship.

To keep a love relationship healthy you have to tolerate and practice the task of articulating your thoughts and feelings to your lover. If you practice doing this in your love relationship you get a chance to solve more effectively the problems that will come up. Now you’ve taken the guess work out of being in love. Of course, this works best when it’s mutual.

This rule of thumb also applies to assuming you know what is in your lover’s head and heart. The rule is simple enough: don’t assume you know what is in your lover’s head or heart. If you act like you know in advance of being told you’re playing with fire. You could make a lucky guess and get it right, and I’m not suggesting you should stop guessing in love.

What I am saying is, questions accompanied by sincere listening is best and most reliable. You’ll get the answers you’ll need to solve the problems that will inevitably emerge simply because the two of you are different and unique individuals. That alone makes communicating and questioning necessary in love to avoid the pitfalls that occur when two people make and act on assumptions in a love relationship.  Dr. T. Jordan






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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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