When Sex Clouds Your Judgement


There are a lot of good reasons to think clearly when it comes to having sex. Safe sex is probably the first one up. Unwanted pregnancy is a close second, and the emotional consequences to having sex with someone would be a third.

Of course we can’t pin this exclusively on men. There are plenty of women out there with sex on their minds. Perhaps it’s more obvious when a man’s judgement is temporarily impaired by his sex drive.

Regardless, the point is a man can get himself into a lot of unwanted trouble unless he thinks clearly about the who, how, when, where, and of course, the why of having sex with somebody.

As a man I like to think that the ability to choose is the most important indication of personal freedom. Without choice you are just reacting to things, like when the bell goes off, you salivate kind of thing.

With age most men get to the point in their lives where making a choice is the first thing that always happens. It’s a time in life where reactions get replaced by choices or free will if you like. It demonstrates a man’s independence or ability to think for himself. This generally occurs around middle age.

Now how about younger guys? Not all, but much of their experience is dominated by reactions. The thing to understand about reactions is they are stimulus-response with little if any thought in the middle. Something happens you react in a certain way, no choice, no change, just an action that gets repeated. That’s why it’s a re-action.

Now mix a lot of energy with a tendency to react and you’ve got the makings for some great adventures and potential disasters. Now I’m a firm believer in a man’s ability to learn new things at any and every stage of life including young adulthood. You don’t have to wait until middle age to think through how to respond to things. Because I’m talking about a disciplined skill here that can develop much earlier than middle-age.

The two most important areas of application for this type of personal development would be in your potential for aggressive and sexual reactions. If you are pushed by some ignorant guy who feels the need to fight somebody, that doesn’t mean you have to beat him to a pulp or worse. I like to think situations like this are an opportunity to do a little ‘power analysis.’

A power analysis consists of you asking yourself whether or not you are willing to give over to this offending party the ‘power’ to turn you into a violent out of control maniac? Thinking of this kind of situation in terms of ‘who has the power’ puts choice back into your consciousness where it belongs. Now if you do this little analysis and ‘decide’ to beat the guy to a pulp we have no more to talk about. You’ve made your choice and you’ll deal with whatever consequences occur. Done.

On the other hand, you might decide to walk away figuring that you’re not about to relinquish your self-control over the likes of somebody like this. You might decide it’s not worth it and you choose to save your time and energy. Look at it this way, you’re refusing the role as a co-lead in this guy’s violent movie.

Well, getting back to sex, why should sex be any different? Using the same metaphor, if you are offered a role in some leading lady’s action movie, is it worth your time and energy? Are you willing to take the risks and do you know the consequences? If the answer is yes, make your movie. The point is, you get to decide.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan

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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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