Preparing For Your Post-Pandemic Love Life
I’ve recently heard predictions that many more people than usual will be getting married as the pandemic lessens and more people feel freer to resume a normalized life. I’m assuming these predictions are based on the fact that marriage rates decreased in 2020 and the beginning of 2021. Our human need for love and the lockdown we’ve endured has created a strong feeling of having to get on with our love lives. Sounds wonderful, but not without an emotional preparation.
What do I mean by “emotional preparation.” How can a person prepare themselves for a love relationship? For starters, you’ll want to make sure it is going to be a healthy love relationship. There is something unnerving about the idea that a large number of love starved people will be impulsively jumping into matrimony only to be met with the same lousy statistics concerning the health and endurance of marriage. And those lousy statistics have been pretty relentless over time.
Preparing for a healthy love relationship means taking some measure of control over your love life. Not so much in the area of who you fall in love with, since that’s a bit unpredictable and uncontrollable. I’m talking about how you relate to the person you’ve fallen in love with. That I believe is something that we human beings can do something about. Stay with me…
Your next question is very timely and important: What can I do to prepare myself for a healthy love relationship? First and foremost, you’ll want to know that you have a Psychological Love Life. What that means is, buried in your mind somewhere is a “blueprint” of what you’ve learned about love relationships from the relationship experiences you’ve had in your lifetime, essentially from birth. Any and every relationship you’ve ever had involving the emotion of love is the reference for this “blueprint” or Psychological Love Life that determines what will happen in your adult love relationships.
If what you’ve learned about love relationships was healthy, no problem. You’ll probably repeat what you’ve learned and have a healthy love life. If what you’ve learned about love relationships was unhealthy, not so good. You could be replicating some unhealthy part of what you’ve experienced in your relationships earlier in life resulting in repetitive unhealthy love relationships in adulthood. I’m figuring, this is what is at play in those lousy divorce stats I mentioned earlier. And to add insult to injury, all of this learning about love relationships that took place and exists in the mental blueprint I’m calling your Psychological Love Life is learned unconsciously.
The good news is, by becoming aware of what you’ve learned about love relationships, and what relationship experiences did the teaching, you empower yourself to unlearn what you’ve learned which can make a huge difference in how successful and healthy your post-pandemic love life is going to be. Remember, what is learned in the course of your life, can be unlearned, once you’ve become aware of what you’ve learned, and take the steps necessary to do a little work on your love life. Hence, preparation for your post-pandemic love life.
If you’re serious about not being part of the divorce statistic in the post-pandemic marital surge, I published a short and easy to read “guidebook” that you can use to find out what you’ve learned about love relationships, unlearn what was unhealthy, and make the corrections that will put your love life on a healthier and more successful path (Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life, by Thomas Jordan, Ph.D.). Or you can download my eLearning class, called the Love Relationship Class, available at this website. It will take you through the steps necessary to prepare yourself by identifying and unlearning what was unhealthy and potentially harmful to your love life.
Lastly, if you’d prefer a little interpersonal support and guidance while making these changes in your Psychological Love Life, my wife and colleague Victoria and I are offering tele-health Love Life Consultations starting in September 2021. You’ll find our contact informations on the homepage of this website.
Feel free to respond to this post. All comments are welcome and respected. This is Dr. Thomas Jordan wishing you a healthy and happy love life.
Dr. Thomas Jordan