Man Who Had A Child With A Married Woman

Poznan_EURO_2012_child_and_busI knew a man (John) who fell in love with a married woman (Ellen). He loved her so much that he waited for many years for her to leave her husband (Jim).

During that time he fathered a son (Jim Jr). The mother of this child was married with a child (Mary) several years old at the time.

In order not to disrupt her family she pretended the new baby was her husband’s. John stayed in Ellen’s and Jim Jr.’s life and was present as a friend of the family. This went on for close to eight years.

John was always hoping that at some point Ellen would leave her husband. This did not happen, so John began to see other women. He distanced himself from Ellen.

She retaliated by limiting his access to Jim Jr. Eventually John met a woman (Joan) who would end up being his first wife. When Ellen found out about their relationship she reacted with intense jealousy.

She tried to convince John that she will leave her husband and that they should start up their relationship again. John chose not to return to Ellen. She further retaliated by refusing him access to their son, Jim Jr. The boy was now eleven years old and nor he or his father knew that John was his biological father.

His true parentage was kept secret by both Ellen and John. Ellen was so upset during this period that she even ‘stalked’ John and Joan on several occasions. At this point, there was no further contact between John and Ellen or John and Jim Jr.

The boy grew into a promising young man who became a professional person with a family of his own. To this day, he does not know who is true father is. His aged mother and his true father kept the secret to their deaths.

John had two children with his first wife John Jr, and Beatrice. They both became aware of the existence of their half brother. Their father’s guilt feelings on occasion prompted him to reveal his other son’s existence along with a half-true ‘denial’ that he knew where his son was.

As time passed, one of John’s adult children, John Jr, died. The other, Beatrice, is now an older professional woman with a family of her own. Shortly after her brother died, she became obsessed with the whereabouts of her half brother, Jim Jr.

As if to compensate for the loss of her brother, she began to research the life and family of her half brother. She eventually found him. He is now a senior with grown children and grandchildren. He works as a respected professional person in his community.

It appears that he, Jim Jr., named after his mother’s husband Jim, still has no knowledge of his true parentage. John’s daughter, his half-sister, is now trying to decide whether or not to approach her half-brother with the truth.

She remains in conflict about whether or not to proceed. Should she give her half-brother the ‘gift’ of an emotionally disruptive truth or leave things the way her father and his mother left them, a functional lie? Which would you do and why?

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan


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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

1 Comment

  1. Oliver on August 6, 2015 at 11:23 am

    Dear Dr Jordan. I really enjoy reading your website, it is so insightful. In this case I would advise Beatrice to meet with Jim JR and tell him the truth. Irrespective of the consequences, Jim JR deserves to know the truth about his life, no matter how painful. Only then can he move forward. Having a non biological parent, in my view does not diminish the fathers role. In fact Jim SR for all intensive purposes was the father and John although the biological father was not able to realise his role as a father in Jim JR’s life and Jim JR should be given the opportunity to reconcile this information in to his life.

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