How To Live Without Love In Your Life

Every once and a while I have to rewrite a post, either because I think of something that updates the information in it or I get feedback that the post needs more work. This post needed more work, so here it goes…

First and foremost, let me be clear, living without love can be one of the most painful situations in life. I’m not talking about simply being alone, because being alone in certain instances can be a very valuable experience. I’m talking about the pain of loneliness. Of course it is possible to be lonely even in the presence of people or in a relationship. For example, when you’re in a relationship and love is no longer felt.

In my opinion, a big problem with loneliness is in the way(s) a person tries to “cope” with it. Coping can obviously be healthy or unhealthy. Common unhealthy ways of coping are isolating yourself, settling for people you don’t love, and the various kinds of self-destructive things people can do when they are hurting.

If you realize that you are isolating yourself as a way of “avoiding” love for reasons like anticipating the “complications” it will supposedly bring to your life, then looking into the issues involved may clear some barriers in the way of finding love. Settling for people you don’t love to cure the loneliness problem can end up making it worse, and in most instances it does. Of course you could decide to be with someone for other reasons like security or companionship, and that’s a choice.

The most important thing to do when you are trying to cope with the pains of not being in love is to remember to practice taking good care of yourself. Loving oneself is making sure the foundation of who we are as a person is intact. Sometimes unfortunately, it’s not easy given the various experiences we’ve had in life that have taught us how not to take care of ourselves. Knowing what these experiences were and what footprints they have left on your relationship with yourself can give you an advantage. For example, if you’ve endured the pains of rejection in early life, working on and practicing accepting yourself is a way of making sure your love for yourself stays healthy.

Many of the people I have worked with who have struggled with living without love have talked about the importance of friendships, their love of animals, and giving love to others in need as a way of getting beyond the pain of living without love even if the reprieve is just temporary.

Whether or not the absence of love in one’s life is temporary or permanent is unfortunately never known in advance. However, I have met people who practiced taking good care of themselves during a lonely period in life, learned to feel good about themselves again or for the first time, and as a consequence attracted unexpected love.

Life can certainly be full of surprises.

Comments welcome, Dr. Jordan

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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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