Are You Losing Weight For A Lover?


The problem with losing weight for a lover is, you might not be losing weight for yourself. Let’s say there are two categories we need to talk about: losing weight for somebody else and losing weight for you.

In this post I am most assuredly going to elevator you, yourself, into a status that is comparable to, no equal to, someone you love. This is important because too often in love ,the status you give to yourself is considerably weaker than the status you give the man or woman you love.

Now let’s suppose that you have gotten to a certain weight. Let’s assume that you have been living with that weight pretty well. Not hiding what you ‘really’ feel about your weight from yourself. That’s important because right from the start I’m going to assume that there are people in this world who are OK with their weight whatever it may be. Really OK. If that’s the case for you then you are not going to be losing weight for any lover any time soon. Since you are OK with it, yourself, you’ll be expecting, no requiring, that any lover be accepting of it as well. Otherwise, hit the road Jack.

If you are not alright with your weight but have not been motivated for whatever reason to make a change in yourself, until one day you fall head over heels for somebody, and now get motivated to lose weight, we have a problem. Why? Because simply put, getting yourself healthy or fit, or to whatever place you secretly wanted to get to, was not good enough to do for yourself.

You had to fall in love with someone else, want their love, to motivate yourself. The assumption being that you, as you are right now, is not good enough to get your lover’s love. In other words, you have to change yourself to get the love you want. Question: What happens if he or she stops loving you, or you and he/she get into conflict?

Would you give up on your fitness plan and go back to being what you were before the changes, including the weight? Unfortunately, too many people do just that. Losing weight for yourself involves strengthening your belief in the importance of how you feel about you. Sometimes, this self-esteem feeling can be a little weak for whatever reason. Once we become aware of the need to strengthen it, we set up goals to do so, and make some changes in our lifestyle to make it happen.

The important part is, this is being done for you, by you, to you, and not for anyone else. Like giving a gift to yourself and it’s important to give ourselves gifts from time to time. Basically, keeping other people out of your self-esteem is a really good practice in life. Then if things don’t go as we expect in our love lives for whatever reason (and remember you can’t control your love life 100% because it involves another person) you don’t lose the gains you’ve made in life.

The bottom line being, your love of yourself should always carry equal weight as someone else’s love for you. If not, now is a good time to elevate how you feel about you!

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan

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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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