Month: October 2012
One of the things your parent’s divorce can do to you is complicate your love-life. How? Basically in one of three ways. The most extreme (most toxic) influence is to make you mistrust marriage. The reasoning goes something like this: if marriage didn’t work for them, it’s not going to work for me. If you feel…
Read MoreYour lover looks at other attractive people when he or she is with you. The ‘looking’ might be subtle or more obvious to you and other people. Maybe you didn’t care at first. But now it’s starting to bother you. You’ve told yourself that looking is ‘freedom of vision.’ You’ve told yourself that it doesn’t…
Read MoreLet’s examine the notion that you’ll enjoy the smell and taste of someone you’re in love with more than someone you’re not in love with. Is this the smell and taste of chemical compatibility in love? The sense of smell and taste are a bit more primitive, or less cultured, if you don’t like the…
Read MoreIf you feel like you could ‘lose yourself’ in a love relationship, this love-life problem could deter you from starting and/or staying in a love relationship. Let’s figure out what ‘losing yourself’ in love really means. When two people are in love, there are always three (3) things going on at the same time: your individuality,…
Read MoreHow sexually active you are is not just a matter of biology. It has a lot to do with how you were taught to relate to your own sexuality as well as what you believe about sex. In this post I will explore the psychology of both extremes, over-sexed and under-sexed, with the assumption being…
Read MoreTo be sure, our mothers have a very powerful influence on our love-lives. Why? Ideally, they are the first to teach us about love. For the most part I’ll be talking about your ‘biological mother.’ That’s the mother who gave birth to you. Even though the role of mother has more to do with which…
Read MoreLet me be clear from the beginning, if you are abusing substances you are hurting yourself and your love-life. Now that I got that public health announcement out of the way, let’s talk about how an addiction to painkillers can mess up your love-life. Let’s start with the basic observation that painkillers reduce pain (when…
Read MoreMuch of your love-life thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are learned. Your most important teachers are members of your own family of origin. You learn mostly by observing what members of your family experience in their love-lives. The good news is, if you’ve learned something about love that is complicating your love-life, you can unlearn it…
Read MoreI also know what it’s like to be stuck in a repetitive pattern of dating the wrong people over and over again. I got out of my repetitive cycle by changing somethings about myself. In fact, I’m pretty convinced from personal and professional experience that making positive changes in yourself is always the best thing…
Read MoreFirst up, is the realization that threatening suicide to get what you want in a love relationship is fundamentally sickness. There is no way to rationally explain the need for this kind of behavior in love. Then why does it occur? Because it is an extreme way of securing ‘control’ over someone. Before discussing the…
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