Meet Your New Lover: Rules of Engagement II

Like I said in Rules of Engagement I, you are a single person looking for a lover. You’re in a single situation with other single people who are socializing. There are eligible single people all around. You want to improve your ability to meet someone special. What are the rules of engagement?

There are six (6) rules of engagement you should know about. They apply to any and every single person looking for love. If you heed these rules of engagement the possibility of meeting a potential lover increases.

I’m going to talk about the last three rules in this post, I talked about the first three in Rules of Engagement I. Ready? These are the last three rules of engagement:

4. Sex is the last thing on your mind, right? If it’s the first thing, this will be forecast to everyone you meet. Eligible people have radar for this energy. Even if the person you desire hopes sex is part of the experience when meeting someone new, if it shows up too early, or it’s in ‘bold print,’ it will scare most people away.

Masturbate before you go out if you need to. It will lower your sexual frustration and permit you to socialize with a calm and more relaxed presence (hopefully). Remember, relaxed is what you need.

It’s the relaxed state of mind and emotion that is most welcoming to others, most especially eligible lovers that very easily spooked smaller subgroup of the single people you are interested in meeting.

5. Shared interest is the best context within which to meet an eligible person. If you both like something and meet each other doing that which you like, chances are you will be more of the real you while doing it. You’ll be less of the put on you that you put on when you are in a context for meeting eligible people.

The real you is always the one giving and receiving love, or at least it should be. People like to assess eligibility in another person when he or she is engaged in something else other than looking good and pursuing love. It takes the pressure off.

Remember, alcohol will disinhibit and relax you in your search, in the right dosage. Unfortunately, it can also distort and damage your search, in the wrong dosage.

6. Become aware of and make a practice out of noticing and reading ‘nonverbal communications’ from eligible people. This is the language of the heart in a social group. Words are easily distorted, symbolized to an extreme, and often defensive.

People send nonverbal communications to each other they never really ‘think’ about and choose. This is how direct and immediate this kind of communication can be.

No matter what people are talking about, non-verbal communication is primary, if you can read it properly. The following are the most potent forms of nonverbal communication commonly found where singles gather, in order of intensity:

A. Glances:  The ‘eyes’ are the primary sense and communicator of interest between people, example, 1st glance, 2nd glance, and of course, there is the I caught you looking me. Glances are the most subtle and understated of the nonverbal communications.

B. Smiles: Let’s differentiate specific smiles from the general or random type. Specific smiles are sent as communications to specific people. They communicate receptivity and interest. They also communicate positivity and an acceptance of what is seen.

C. Touching: The hands are symbolic of the mind and its search for ‘intimacy’ in the world. The hands reach out (and into) other people’s space when there is interest and curiosity. Touching usually communicates a more intensive interest in intimacy.

For example, if I touch you when I talk to you, I am communicating intimate interest in you. My interest is not necessarily romantic, even though it could be. It could also be more an acknowledgment of a personal or friendship connection. Other variations are the ‘hug’ and the ‘holding’ of another when there is love to give or receive. Hey, good luck.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan

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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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