Understanding the Trauma in Sexual Trauma
With all the current difficulty figuring out who is and is not responsible for the sexual abuse of minors in our society, we have not been paying enough attention to the sufferring of the children and adolescents who have had to endure the experience of sexual trauma. First and foremost, let’s be clear, sexual trauma is violence in a sexual form. In other words, sexual truama is the use of sex to commit a violent act on another person. The psychological violence of the act is a part of what makes it traumatic.
Rape is a forced sexual act without the consent of the victim. Regardless of the age of the victim, rape is a violence committed upon another person. One of the important points when talking about the rape of an adult is the absence of consent. Adult persons must give consent. When an adult person is forced into a sexual act without consent it is an act of violence, pure and simple. Violence causes the victim of the violence to suffer. Rape, as a violent act, causes adult victims traumatic psychological damage. An experience of terror, as fear mixed with the danger of losing one’s life, damages a victim’s ability to feel safe in the world. Trust can be destroyed for a lifetime. The unhealed trauma of rape can destroy a victim’s ability to form and sustain a healthy love relationship. Too many adult victims of sexual violence remain untreated and never enter emotional recovery because of mistrust and the overwhelming fear of re-experiencing the terror and pain.
Before proceeding, let’s talk bit about what it means to be a “victim.” In this context, the word victim means a person is the “object” of another’s violence. Victims are never responsible for the violence they receive. It is importnat to understand this fact. Too often people try to rationalize acts of violence as potentially avoidable if the victim, who is now being given some responsibility for the violence, would have done something different. The false assumption here is the victim could have prevented the violence but did not. This unfortunate misunderstanding, often derived from ignorance and personal motivations, adds insult to injury to a victim. In addition to these false attributions of blame, victims too often feel ashamed and guilty already as a result of imposing irrational responsibility on themselves. Bottomline, victims of sexual violence are never responsible for the acts perpetrated against them, no matter what they’ve said, done or felt.
The psychological impact of sexual trauma worsens when we talk about sexual violence against children and adolescents. Sexual trauma against adult victims and the terror it creates is bad enough. The fact that children and adolescents cannot provide consent results in additional levels of psychological damage. The protection and development of our young is a sacred commitment. We protect them in their immaturity and innocence until they are matured enough to take care of themselves. This is the true purpose of a family of origin and should be the true purpose of a community of matured and immature people.
When children and adolescents are forced (or lured) into sexual activity, the consequences of the violence involved is often disguised by a fearful compliance and denial. There are various ways adult sexual predators manipulate this terrorized compliance to avoid scrutiny. Threats and bribes demanding secrecy are the most common. The compliance of child or adolescent victims of sexual violence can be considered a “defense mechanism” whose implicit purpose is to protect the victim from harm. What gets lost from sight is the level of terror the immature victim is experiencing, and the unconscious hope of getting unrequited love from sick adults who inevitably hurt them.
Fear and terror create this defensive compliance in response to an act of sexual violence as a disguised effort to survive the sexual violence. The real psychological experience of sexual trauma in the victim of sexual violence becomes unconscious. Innocence is destroyed. Trust in the protection of adults is destroyed. Immature victims of sexual trauma learn to bury their psychological suffering and construct an adulthood of self-protective living that inhibits their freedom and comfort in the world, and damages their ability to love and be loved.
My interest in the study and treatment of “love life psychopathology” has taught me that persons sexually traumatized in childhood and adolescence often experience difficulty forming a healthy love relationship in adulthood. The consequence is chronic feelings of detachment, toxic relationships, and periods of chronic aloneness. For the psychotherapist of the victim of sexual violence, the complicated forming of trust in an open and honest relationship is the first hurdle. From there is the compassionate listening and respect for the true psychological experience of terror and fear of sexual violence and victimization often told for the very first time. Telling one’s story, freed of disguises and defenses, in a relationship of respect and safety, begins to set the victim free, to live a life of healing, love and promise.
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Dr. Thomas Jordan, clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst, psychological disability consultant, speaker, and author of the award-winning book, Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life. Love Life Seminars and telehealth Love Life Consultations available upon request. Contact: 212-875-0154 or drtomjordan@lovelifelearningcenter.com for inquiries.
