Simple Test For ‘True Love’


You’ll know you’re in ‘true love’ if hurting the person you love hurts you as well. 

If this happens to you, you are sympathetically connected with another person. Now this might be a little scary to some of you, you know, the prospect of being connected like this. It will be particularly difficult for those of you who are used to thinking of your love lives as something you are supposed to control.

You see, this mutual hurting happens because your heart has found another heart to unite with. You not only feel ‘for’ that other person but you feel ‘with’ that other person. He or she feels hurt, you feel hurt. He or she feels joy, you feel joy.

Funny thing, we all think about being connected this deeply. Many of us avoid it in any way we can. If you ask me, how am I supposed to tolerate this kind of deep vulnerability and live an independent life? You might not be entirely satisfied with my answer but I’ll try.

I think it takes tolerance, courage to be yourself while in love, and a personal faith in your ability to heal whatever hurts occur. I think individuals make conscious decisions about whether or not they are going to try to accept this kind of connection in their lives.

Look at it this way, when its all over what are you going to think about? What are you going to reflect on? I know, you’re going to think about how much love you’ve allowed into your life. I used to imagine that when really old people prepare themselves to leave this planet they think about the loves and the losses they experienced in their lives.

No it won’t be about the money, the property, the things you’ve achieved. It’ll be about the love you’ve given and received. And you don’t have to be picky. This isn’t just about romance, it’s about giving and receiving whatever love is in your life.

Dr. Tom Jordan


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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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