Cure For What Ails Us: St. Valentine’s Day


I remember watching a movie once about two ‘crazy’ people who fell in love with each other. The movie was filled with drama and suspense as these two people went through all kinds of changes trying to get a mutually satisfying relationship going.

And all the while the audience was on pins and needles until they finally made a go of it. I remember thinking to myself, thank God, you don’t have to be ‘normal’ to fall in love.

Whomever decided to give us the ‘gift’ of love was pretty liberal about prerequisites and accompanying requirements. Of course, we’re all guilty of ruining the ‘purity’ of love.

We mix love up with all kinds of stuff that shouldn’t be mixed with love. Nevertheless, the important thing to consider and contemplate is the fact that the capacity to experience love never leaves us.

How about the the song line, “all you need is love.” You think they were trying to tell us something?

I hear about people who tragically lose a lot then realize that love is all they really needed to recover. As if, the lives we lead and create for ourselves are meant to distract us away from this simple truth.

Despite all the regrettable things we do to each other for the things we think are more important than love, we can’t quite extinguish this interest in and fascination with love. Unfortunately some people do grow bitter and swear off love. They work hard downplaying love’s importance. And I’m not just talking about romance, but love in general.

Others keep making the same mistakes over and over again, showing visible signs of suffering for it, and never changing. Thankfully, the majority of people young and old retain a hopefulness that they will be able to give and receive love in the course of their lifetimes.

Me, I marvel at how some people make it through an early life with less love than they need, only to give love to someone else later on. How is this possible? You didn’t get something, but you’re able to give what you didn’t get to someone else? Wow. Where does that come from?

My old friend Ben used to tell me, people are born with a psychological ‘yoke sac’ whether they know it or not. This ‘sac of resources’ we have inside that we can draw from in times of need, if we know it exists.

I like to think that love is one of those resources. A gift from the universe you don’t have to earn or get from someone else.

If you haven’t gotten much love from other people, and you don’t know where your resources are inside, your world can turn dark. This has unfortunately happen to a lot of people. Think of St. Valentine’s Day as a reminder to find that inner resource, and practice lighting up your darkness.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan


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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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