“Triangle Cures” For Couples?

Why do some couples try to solve their couple problems with “triangular” solutions? By triangle I mean, draw in another person, creating a 3 out of a 2. It usually happens because neither person in the couple, married or not, wants to put in the effort and emotional exposure required to “fix” their relationship, stay together or separate. By the way, either staying together or separating, either way, is always a viable solution to a chronic relationship problem.

This blog has taught me that there are so many people out their opting for a triangle solution than is commonly known or accepted. For example, too many people these days are falling in love with married people. Rest assured, if you encounter a married person on the prowl, he or she is running away from a limited and not so satisfying love relationship, and what you’d be accepting has the potential to make you sick.

Some things about triangles to remember. Every once in a while, a “triangleite” will tell the person he or she is drawing into a “triangle” that a “triangle” is all he or she has to offer. Unfortunately this does not happen in all cases. I can certainly respect the honesty involved in such a revelation at the risk of losing the possibility of a third person to reduce some emotional pain. An old friend once said, triangles can be fun, as long as you don’t have the misfortune of falling in love. You know, I can see the wisdom in that statement.

As a psychologist, the triangle lovers I usually encounter are in considerable emotional pain. They’ve fallen in love, and have just recently stopped trying to convince the “triangleite” they’ve fallen in love with to leave his or her spouse or committed partner. At this point, the poor soul is caught between knowing that the triangle he or she is in naturally offers limited delights and the illusion of having a chance to transform the triangle back into a couple, this time to his or her advantage.

Problem is, I just haven’t encountered too many successful transformations. In fact, I haven’t encountered any. I meet and treat a steady stream of heartbroken, frustrated, third persons in a triangle some married person is forming and in control of. And I’ll hear stories of how promises to leave his or her spouse were made but never occurred.

Look, the bottomline here is, a triangle is nothing more than a “trap.” A relationship experience created consciously and unconsciously by 3 people, the likes of which will never never satisfy, especially the last person to be invited in. He or she is always the most vulnerable and always the one who gets hurt the most.

Think about it, becoming the third person in a triangle means you have the least to gain and the most to lose.

Comments are welcome and appreciated…Dr. Jordan

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Dr. Jordan

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist, certified interpersonal psychoanalyst, author, professor, and love life researcher.

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