love-life
What? I owe you for the love you gave me? You know how many times I have heard this in the stories my patients tell me. This kind of ‘guilt tripping’ deserves an analysis. First off, true love is a gift. If it’s not a gift and you owe something for it, it’s not love.…
Read MoreWhen love comes it’s easier than when it leaves, right? Even though love can drive us crazy when it arrives unannounced, for most of us it’s a great joy when it arrives. I think the biggest problem for lovers is we are forgetting how to ‘grieve.’ Why? Because grief hurts and we try to get…
Read MoreBefore I get into the problems weight can create in someone’s love-life I want to register a personal opinion. I’ve met a few well adjusted heavy people over the years and continue to do so. These beautiful people are heavy and it has become part of a personality they wear as well as anyone else’s.…
Read MoreHere’s a rule of thumb that will make your love relationship a little easier, guaranteed: don’t assume your lover should know what is in your head or your heart. I like to call this assumption playing ‘lover’s telepathy.’ This is where lovers communicate sympathetically to each other without words. Fascinating when it happens, and it…
Read MoreSexual abuse causes an injury to the mind. At earlier times in our lives when we were vulnerable, sexual abuse was psychologically traumatic. This traumatic experience was registered as an injury in the mind. Psychological injuries result in defensive reactions whose purpose is to cope with traumatic aftereffects. Sexual abuse has an impact on what…
Read MoreAs a companion post to ‘Men & Their Feelings,’ I offer you ‘Women & Their Needs.’ Traditionally, woman have been made to believe that they are the weaker sex. Remember that? There was a time in history, and presently in some places, that women were considered possessions. Men married in order to possess a woman…
Read MoreAllow me to dispel any misunderstandings right away, men have feelings, and lots of them. Everybody’s born with them. It’s what we learn to do with them that makes the difference. In this culture men are taught to put some of them away, especially the softer ones. Anger and aggressiveness are OK within certain limits.…
Read MoreControl in any form destroys love. Why? Because it limits and interferes with the freedom that love requires to thrive. The most common reason for trying to control a lover is to avoid getting hurt. My old mentor used to say, “Where did you get the idea you could be in love without getting hurt?”…
Read MoreThere are many people these days who avoid love because deep down inside they don’t believe they can survive a broken heart. They don’t believe in their natural capacity to heal. Plus, they may have had certain love-life disappointments in the past that convinced them to avoid love now in the present. The real tragedy…
Read MoreIt’s difficult to love an active alcoholic without becoming a part of his or her illness. The only hope you have for a better relationship at some point in the future is to become aware of the problem and work your way out of the limited relationship you currently have. This will inevitably simplify the…
Read More