AI and Our Need For Love

It is obvious to most people that we have begun what some people refer to as the “AI Revolution.” A time in history when the machine, as a consequence of technological evolution, has become capable of accurately mimicking human beings. AI is able to interact with its user as though it is another human being. A patient recently shared with me how her young son has grown attached to his “friendly” AI system that has “developed” a way of interacting with him that “feels” like he is talking to a trusted and reliable friend. His mother’s concern is that the device and technology will at some point supplant the need for friendship so important in adolescence. This “replicated” experience of human intimacy begins to raise questions as to how we will be able to emotionally handle AI’s growng ability to replicate an emotionally intimate interaction with its user.

Part of the problem, as I see it, is our tendency to “anthropomorphize” our experience with non-human entities. The word basically means our human tendency to attribute human characteristics to something not human. If we are talking about a dog or a cat, this is very understandable. (I still miss my beloved late Siamese cat, Frankie, who I sometimes referred to as my “hairy son.”) This tendency to create a humanized interaction with nonhumans is probably our way of creating a relatable experience for ourselves. An illusion, that satisfies when real emotional intimacy is not available.

OK, so what happens when the entity we are attributing human qualities to is a machine? What happens when that machine is structured to imitate human interaction? Well, I would think it’s going to be a lot easier to attribute human qualities when the machine is build to  replicate what we would ordinarily attribute to the non-human. Might we say, not only will it be easier, but we could go deeper into an intimate attachment with the programmed machine itself because of its accurate mimicry?

Imagine, someone lonely and in need of human contact or love. Instead of the unpredictable and at times difficult pursuit of companionship and love with other people, settling for the convenience of a machine that replicates human interest and devotion. Instead of the required exchange of a healthy human relationship, settling for the narcissistically driven interaction with something that has no needs of its own and is focused exclusively on its owner. Why struggle with the learning experience required to develop the ability to form and sustain an emotionally intimate human relationship? Of course, some of us human begins will be more vulnerable to AI’s illusions than others. The young and inexperienced for sure. And of course, the people among us who suffer and struggle with personality issues that challenge their ability to be emotionally intimate with another person.

At this point in time, I think it’s important to remind ourselves of the basic differences between a human and a replicating machine. Humans have a “soul.” Broken down into more workable psychological language: human’s are uniquely individual and each possesses a conscience. This is something that machines will never replicate. An AI program will never be able to “love” its user. It could act like it does and its human user fills in the rest.

Given our human need to give and receive love, it might look and feel genuine. And therein lies the problem. No matter how great the program is at replicating the experience of love, it’s still only a replication and will remain so as long as we are able to acknowledge it is only a replication. Otherwise, too many vulnerable humans would replicate the pathological disappointment of loving something (or someone) that can’t love them back.

Our task as consumers of these devices and their technologies, is to master the device as a aid. Never allowing the device to master us with the illusion of replication. In short, reserving our need for real human emotional intimacy and love for real humans who can give and receive real love in return.

Comments welcome. Share your love life experiences.

Dr. Thomas Jordan, clinical psychologist, interpersonal psychoanalyst, author of Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life.  Contact: 212-875-0154 or drtomjordan@lovelifelearningcenter.com for inquiries. Love Life Telehealth Consultations available by request.