Sperm Donor Dad?

Some men are used only for their sperm. This should not come as a shock to anyone. Changes in attitudes towards physical procreation aided by modern science have made this more common and acceptable. But it’s the psychological part that needs exploration and understanding.

There are two types of sperm donor Dads that come to mind. The first type are men who ‘willfully’ intend to create a baby without parenting the baby. The second are men who are ‘chosen’ to create a baby by a woman who intends to have the baby without requiring or requesting the participation of the father.

Let’s talk about the mind set and psychological aspects of both types. Let’s begin with, what does it take to intentionally have a baby without assuming responsibility for that baby? I’ll assume that a percentage of men in this situation are aware that they would offer little or nothing to the baby at the time of conception and early development.

So they opt out shortly after they perform their biological responsibility. In many instances the limitations I am talking about indicate a considerable amount of immaturity. Too much in fact to successfully parent a child. In many instances, the decision not to be involved is a form of limited loving. If you know what you’ll offer someone is no good for him or her, and you make yourself absent to protect that person, you are loving him or her in a certain limited way.

In a number of instances I have encountered or heard about men who were not emotionally and physically present for a child’s development, but tried to come into their offspring’s life later on in adulthood. Of course, this type of circumstance possesses it’s own difficulties usually in the form of resentments and hurt for abandonment that are blocking the way in. In some instances, a biological father is capable of getting into a son’s or daughter’s life now as an adult and have a relatively close relationship once the kinks are worked out. There is no doubt about it, this involves a bit of dedicated work that can be painful and unpredictable.

Regardless, most people have a need to know who their ‘biological’ parents are. The absence of this information can feel like something is missing. And I don’t really believe it when a person tells me that he or she doesn’t care. I usually wind up thinking the curiosity and need to know are probably hidden somewhere behind layers of hurt, resentment, and loss. The point is, knowing who your biological parents are is a piece of a puzzle on the way to finding out who you are as an unique individual.

If you’re a man whose been ‘chosen’ to father a child without responsibility for that child, we might be talking about a form of commerce. Something given for something taken. But what? If it’s money that’s easy, and we can stop there. I give you my sperm and you pay for it. Is this a form of prostitution, maybe. Anything can be sold. And once it’s paid for, most people looking to make a deal can stop thinking about it at that point.

I suspect a man in this kind of situation would probably consider it easy money and look to repeat the experience as many times as possible. But what about men who aren’t paid? Could it be ‘ego?’ I’m being selected by this woman who wants a baby because she considers me intelligent, handsome, or in possession of some other quality worth passing on to her child. This makes me feel good about myself, at least for a little while, right? So in this case the motive is self-esteem.

But how about men who are deceived into the provision of sperm without intention to co-parent the outcome? I can feel bad for them. Driven by the need for sexual gratification, they forget everything else temporarily. To what extent do they think about a child after the fact? Are they fighting for visitation rights? Maybe that comes later when they have grown enough to value what they’ve created. In my opinion, what we get from our biological parents is probably much more than we understand at this point in time. This is not to say they simply make us who we are.

No, because we are all unique individuals there is always something about us that doesn’t come from or belong to them. It’s up to each and every individual to find out what that is. Beyond that, I suspect that the ‘raw materials’ we get are both mental and physical in form. We shape those raw materials into significant parts of ourselves. This is the part of us that comes from other people, from our so called biological roots. For those of you who have placed a value on self-knowledge, knowing who your biological parents are/were will be an important part of knowing who you are and who you’re not.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Submit A Private Reply

Your Name*

Your Email*

Your Comment/Question

Anti-Spam Question

Love-Life Learning Center – Disclaimers

The Love-Life Learning Center online is a psycho-educational website/blog offering love-life related psycho-educational materials and activities including free website/blog content, and audio downloads/podcasts and tele-seminars for sale, to individual users with a broad range of love-life problems. Users are English-speaking adult men and women twenty-one (21) years of age and older.

Not Treatment

The Love-Life Learning Center is a psycho-educational website/blog focused exclusively upon educating adult men and women about the psychology of love-life issues and problems. Our Love-Life Learning Center’s psycho-educational materials and website/blog activities are not psychotherapy, counseling, or a mental health treatment or therapy of any kind, nor should a Love-Life Learning Center’s psycho-educational materials or website/blog activities be used as a substitute for psychotherapy or other appropriate and necessary mental health treatments and services.

The Love-Life Learning Center’s materials and website/blog activities are not a psychiatric treatment for psychiatric symptoms or illness, nor should any of our psycho-educational materials or website/blog activities be used as a substitute for appropriate and necessary psychiatric treatments and services.

The Love-Life Learning Center’s materials and website/blog activities
are not a medical treatment. Our psycho-educational materials and website/blog activities will not prevent, cure, or treat any kind of medical, psychiatric, or psychological illness or problem, nor should our psycho-educational materials or wbsite/blog activities be utilized as a substitute for appropriate and necessary medical treatments and services. If you are currently suffering from suicidal, homicidal, or psychotic symptoms, or mental illness of any kind you should seek appropriate psychiatric and/or psychotherapeutic services at a hospital or clinic in your area.

The Love-Life Learning Center’s materials and website/blog activities are not an emergency or clinical service of any kind. The Love-Life Learning Center does not guarantee that your love-life, love relationships, or dating experiences, general health, or well-being will improve or be positively affected by listening to and/or reading its psycho-educational materials or participating in its website/blog activities.

The use of e-mail correspondence or tele-seminar services or any other website/blog activities at the Love-Life Learning Center website does not intend to be or portray it self to be nor should it be used as a substitute for a mental health therapy, counseling, or clinical treatment of any kind.

Responsibility

The Love-Life Learning Center is not responsible for any real or imagined damages that occur as a consequence of reading or listening to our psycho-educational materials or audio downloads/podcasts or participating in any other activity at our website/blog.

The Love-Life Learning Center is not responsible for any psychological distress or emotional upset purported to be caused by our psycho-educational materials read or listened to, free or purchased at our website/blog, or while participating in any activity at our website/blog.

Intentions

The Love-Life Learning Center is a privately owned and operated online psycho-educational service and has no relationship to or connection with any offline agencies bearing the same name or a similar name that provide services to individuals with love-life problems or other topics related to or unrelated to love-life issues, themes, or problems.
The Love-Life Learning Center is a psycho-educational service exclusively for adult men and women who are 21 years old and older. This service is not intended for children, adolescents, and young adults under the age of twenty-one (21), with or without parental consent.

The Love-Life Learning Center is a psycho-educational service with an exclusive focus on love-life problems, solutions, and general love-life learning issues. The Love-Life Learning Center is not an adult oriented website for the purpose of fostering adult oriented sexual activities, sexual fantasies, or other related adult-oriented entertainment.

The Love-Life Learning Center is not a dating or introductory service for men and women seeking dating, meeting, and/or networking experiences.

The Love-Life Learning Center is not for the procurement of online cyber-sexual contact or as a prelude to offline sexual contact or relations.

Competence & Authorship

The Love-Life Learning Center website/blog is owned and operated by T. M. Jordan, Ph.D., Psychologist, P.C. a New York State based corporation. The views espoused in the psycho-educational free text and audio downloads/podcasts available at the Love-Life Learning Center website/blog solely reflect the views of its owners and operators. Individual users participating in any and all of the Love-Life Learning Center’s website/blog activities are solely and exclusively responsible for their own written and/or verbally expressed love-life and/or not love-life related viewpoints.

Confidentiality

Any person reading or listening to free and/or purchased psycho- educational materials or participating in any website/blog activities at the Love-Life Learning Center is encouraged to remain anonymous except in the reporting of personal information for the purpose of making a credit payment. This personal information is utilized by our credit processing company for sales related activities and subject to their rules and regulations. The Love-Life Learning Center cannot be held responsible for any intentional or unintentional breach of this agreement to remain voluntarily anonymous before, during, and after utilizing its free or for sale psycho-educational materials or while participating in any website/blog activities.

Indemnify

As a user of free or for sale psycho-educational materials or webite/blog activities at the Love-Life Learning Center website/blog you agree to indemnify the Love-Life Learning Center together with its corporate officers, agents, employees, affiliates, parent companies, representatives, directors, shareholders and service providers and hold them harmless from any and all claims, fees, including but not limited to reasonable counsel fees, costs, judgments, damages and causes of action arising from or related to your use of its psycho-educational materials and/or audio downloads/podcasts and/or any and all of its website/blog activities.