Fight, Flight, or Fall?

Most people will tell you there’s a lot of fighting and flight going on in our love-lives. Have we gotten to the point of thinking all of this is normal yet? Is it really a necessary drama that goes on when people try to make a go of it?

Well I’d like to offer you a different perspective. I think the increase in fighting and flight that is taking place in people’s love-lives has something to do with a growing problem with tolerating love and sustaining a connection. If you listen carefully to the complaints people are making these days there seems to be something about love and connection that’s gotten harder for people.

As the two most popular ways of reacting to a threat, fight or flight usually occur when someone is trying to avoid danger and needs to defensively protect himself or herself. It usually comes down to running if you can and fighting if you have to.

So here’s the big question, what is so threatening about love that all this fighting or flight is taking place? The answer to this question may not be forthcoming at first. People ordinarily don’t like to admit that love is scary.

My best guess would be, since love is the last bastion of what is unpredictable and uncontrollable in this world of emotional control and manipulation most people might find falling in love a bit unnerving at least at certain times in their lives. The mad part about this is, we could be fighting with and running away from something that’s good and very much needed.

So how did we get into this kind of predicament anyway? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we’ve created a world that values other things more than love.

Nowadays, more than a few people consider love an odd inconvenience at best and at worst something you have to avoid at all costs. Of course there’s love and then there’s connection. They overlap in some areas but they can be very different too.

Love is the free emotion that can come over you in a moments notice and leave just as fast. It’s beyond control and prediction and requires connection and ultimately commitment to thrive and grow, still there’s no guarantees. For some of us, fighting and flight take place as soon as love shows up.

As if we are running for life itself. There is a kind of sadness in this because love is life. There’s a good possibility that these people will live somewhat disconnected from others because of this perceived threat. The real problem here is not being psychologically prepared for love.

The rest of us fight off and run away from connection and commitment because they feel too controlling. For these individuals it’s not the feeling of love that threatens. It’s more the arrangements people want to set up with each other when love shows up that scares.

Because of love’s unpredictability and resistance to control, some people set up very controlling relationships to counterbalance this inability to manage the feeling. Who wants to be smothered, disrespected, or ignored when trying to love somebody?

Now what you have is a person with a heavy heart running away from or fighting with someone he or she loves. Once again we’re back to the sadness and I think a bit of tragedy as well. If you ask me what to do about this, I would have to suggest that we come up with a better way to relate in love.

What this means is learning how to create and maintain love relationships that support and grow love. In a sentence, love relationships where trust, honesty, equality, and freedom rule. Of course, this is certainly an ideal since most of us have experienced some form of injury in these areas. As a practical person, I like to think of the repair as a practice.

Once you know something is wrong, you can then work on making it right even if making it right takes awhile. The best part about being human is you can learn something new at any age. By the way, it’s a relief to stop fighting or running. And you won’t need to take such long breaks between relationships due to exhaustion and wariness.

Comments? Welcome. Dr. Tom Jordan

 

Dr. T. Jordan

How GeometricBox WordPress support services can help you? – Know More

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Submit A Private Reply

Your Name*

Your Email*

Your Comment/Question

Anti-Spam Question

Love Life Learning Center – Disclaimers

The Love Life Learning Center online is a psycho-educational website/blog offering love life related psycho-educational materials and activities including free website/blog content, and audio downloads/podcasts and tele-seminars for sale, to individual users with a broad range of love life problems. Users are English-speaking adult men and women twenty-one (21) years of age and older.

Not Treatment

The Love Life Learning Center is a psycho-educational website/blog focused exclusively upon educating adult men and women about the psychology of love-life issues and problems. Our Love Life Learning Center’s psycho-educational materials and website/blog activities are not psychotherapy, counseling, or a mental health treatment or therapy of any kind, nor should a Love Life Learning Center’s psycho-educational materials or website/blog activities be used as a substitute for psychotherapy or other appropriate and necessary mental health treatments and services.

The Love Life Learning Center’s materials and website/blog activities are not a psychiatric treatment for psychiatric symptoms or illness, nor should any of our psycho-educational materials or website/blog activities be used as a substitute for appropriate and necessary psychiatric treatments and services.

The Love Life Learning Center’s materials and website/blog activities are not a medical treatment. Our psycho-educational materials and website/blog activities will not prevent, cure, or treat any kind of medical, psychiatric, or psychological illness or problem, nor should our psycho-educational materials or wbsite/blog activities be utilized as a substitute for appropriate and necessary medical treatments and services. If you are currently suffering from suicidal, homicidal, or psychotic symptoms, or mental illness of any kind you should seek appropriate psychiatric and/or psychotherapeutic services at a hospital or clinic in your area.

The Love Life Learning Center’s materials and website/blog activities are not an emergency or clinical service of any kind. The Love Life Learning Center does not guarantee that your love-life, love relationships, or dating experiences, general health, or well-being will improve or be positively affected by listening to and/or reading its psycho-educational materials or participating in its website/blog activities.

The use of e-mail correspondence or tele-seminar services or any other website/blog activities at the Love Life Learning Center website does not intend to be or portray it self to be nor should it be used as a substitute for a mental health therapy, counseling, or clinical treatment of any kind.

Responsibility

The Love Life Learning Center is not responsible for any real or imagined damages that occur as a consequence of reading or listening to our psycho-educational materials or audio downloads/podcasts or participating in any other activity at our website/blog.

The Love Life Learning Center is not responsible for any psychological distress or emotional upset purported to be caused by our psycho-educational materials read or listened to, free or purchased at our website/blog, or while participating in any activity at our website/blog.

Intentions

The Love Life Learning Center is a privately owned and operated online psycho-educational service and has no relationship to or connection with any offline agencies bearing the same name or a similar name that provide services to individuals with love-life problems or other topics related to or unrelated to love life issues, themes, or problems.
The Love Life Learning Center is a psycho-educational service exclusively for adult men and women who are 21 years old and older. This service is not intended for children, adolescents, and young adults under the age of twenty-one (21), with or without parental consent.

The Love Life Learning Center is a psycho-educational service with an exclusive focus on love-life problems, solutions, and general love-life learning issues. The Love Life Learning Center is not an adult oriented website for the purpose of fostering adult oriented sexual activities, sexual fantasies, or other related adult-oriented entertainment.

The Love Life Learning Center is not a dating or introductory service for men and women seeking dating, meeting, and/or networking experiences.

The Love Life Learning Center is not for the procurement of online cyber-sexual contact or as a prelude to offline sexual contact or relations.

Competence & Authorship

The Love Life Learning Center website/blog is owned and operated by T. M. Jordan, Ph.D., Psychologist, P.C. a New York State based corporation. The views espoused in the psycho-educational free text and audio downloads/podcasts available at the Love Life Learning Center website/blog solely reflect the views of its owners and operators. Individual users participating in any and all of the Love Life Learning Center’s website/blog activities are solely and exclusively responsible for their own written and/or verbally expressed love-life and/or not love life related viewpoints.

Confidentiality

Any person reading or listening to free and/or purchased psycho- educational materials or participating in any website/blog activities at the Love Life Learning Center is encouraged to remain anonymous except in the reporting of personal information for the purpose of making a credit payment. This personal information is utilized by our credit processing company for sales related activities and subject to their rules and regulations. The Love Life Learning Center cannot be held responsible for any intentional or unintentional breach of this agreement to remain voluntarily anonymous before, during, and after utilizing its free or for sale psycho-educational materials or while participating in any website/blog activities.

Indemnify

As a user of free or for sale psycho-educational materials or webite/blog activities at the Love Life Learning Center website/blog you agree to indemnify the Love Life Learning Center together with its corporate officers, agents, employees, affiliates, parent companies, representatives, directors, shareholders and service providers and hold them harmless from any and all claims, fees, including but not limited to reasonable counsel fees, costs, judgments, damages and causes of action arising from or related to your use of its psycho-educational materials and/or audio downloads/podcasts and/or any and all of its website/blog activities.

How GeometricBox WordPress support services can help you? – Know More