Do A ‘Love-Life Review’

If you want to increase the chances of finding and sustaining a healthy love relationship, I strongly recommend you review your love-life. I’m calling this exercise a Love-Life Review.

By doing a Love-Life Review you’re acknowledging to yourself, first and foremost, that a healthy love relationship isn’t just about finding the right person, at the right place, at the right time. Yes this helps of course, but there’s more to it. A Love-Life Review will help you determine how ‘healthy’ the love relationship you have is going to be.

A Love-Life Review helps you think about your love-life. More precisely, what you’ve learned about love so far in your life. Does what you’ve learned help or hurt your chances of having a healthy love relationship right now? A Love-Life Review will tell you whether or not you are prepared for love and give you the information you’ll need to prepare yourself if you’re not.

Categories of a Love-Life Review:

1. Your ability to give love.

There is a good chance that you did not get the love you needed growing up. If you did, you’ll have fewer difficulties in this category. If you didn’t get the love you needed from people who were supposed to love you, expect that these earlier love-life experiences are affecting your current love-life. First step is to admit to yourself that you didn’t get the love you needed. This allows you to figure out, without getting defensive, what kind of after-effects are going on.

Think in terms of ‘repeating patterns.’ This is the way the heart and mind function. If something happens to us that is unresolved it tends to repeat itself until you become aware of that repetition. Your awareness helps you stop the repetition, while you get a chance to do something different. You have to get yourself out from under the control of what happen to you earlier in your life.

Remember, you have love to give inside of you no matter what happened in your life. It’s just the way we’re built. Nobody can take that away from you. Once you know it’s in there (inside of you), you feel it, and get to decide who you’re going to give it to.

2. Your ability to receive love.

Your ability to receive love is as important as your ability to give love. To receive love you have to think of yourself as ‘lovable.’ Lovable simply means, that you think of yourself as worth loving. One easy way to get a reading of how lovable you are is to think in terms of ‘self-esteem.’ If your self-esteem is high your more lovable. If your self-esteem is low you are less lovable. It all depends upon how you feel about yourself.

The good news is, this is something psychological and can be changed. You can work on your self-esteem and make it better. The simplest way to start doing that is to make a plan to take better care of yourself. Like a project to fix something in your workshop, think in terms of doing what you need to do to make yourself a better person, more lovable. It’s kind of magnetic. The better you feel about you, the more love is offered to you.

3. The love-life task you are currently trying to accomplish.  

There are several love-life tasks: preparing for love, finding love, sustaining love, committing to love, leaving an expired love, and living alone. The average person will be trying to accomplish most of these ‘tasks’ at different points in their adult life. Usually you have to master one before you can move onto another and they don’t necessarily occur in the order I’ve presented them. Oh by the way, living alone comfortably is a love-life task because ‘self-love’ is essential to tolerate and progress when you’re alone.

Once you’ve figured out which love-life task you are currently dealing with, you can focus a little more on what you need to do to successfully complete the task. Rule of thumb: when you know what your dealing with it’s always easier to focus and concentrate yourself on succeeding at it. Get the information you need to do so.

4. Your real expectations of a lover.

I’m not talking about what you tell yourself or other people about what you want in a lover. I’m talking about your ‘real’ expectations of a lover. The problem is, you might not even know yourself. If that’s the case then you have to find out by doing this Love-Life Review.

If you don’t know what your heart is really looking for, you’ll be like a ship in a fog without radar. Guided by forces you know nothing about and have little or no control over. Now the hard part is finding out what your real expectations are. Unfortunately, we humans often conceal things even from ourselves. Here are a few clues that might help you:

a. What kind of treatment have you received in previous love relationships? Were you mistreated in any way that you can remember? Do you see any patterns that reoccurred in each relationship or most of them? Your expectations are in the recurring ways your lovers treated you.

b. How did you treat your lovers in past love relationships? Did you mistreat them in any way that you can remember? Do you see any patterns that reoccurred in each relationship or most of them? Your expectations about love are also in the recurring ways you treated your lovers.

c. What is the most difficult or disappointing experience you’ve had with love since you were born? Think about how you felt after the experience and how it might have influenced your love-life from then on. We often expect the past to repeat itself. Think about what kind of expectations your disappointed love-life experiences created in you? 

Congratulations for having the courage to review your love-life. This exercise will provide you with the information you’ll need to begin improving your love-life. Comments? Love to hear from you. Dr. T. Jordan

 

 

 

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Love Life Learning Center – Disclaimers

The Love Life Learning Center online is a psycho-educational website/blog offering love life related psycho-educational materials and activities including free website/blog content, and audio downloads/podcasts and tele-seminars for sale, to individual users with a broad range of love life problems. Users are English-speaking adult men and women twenty-one (21) years of age and older.

Not Treatment

The Love Life Learning Center is a psycho-educational website/blog focused exclusively upon educating adult men and women about the psychology of love-life issues and problems. Our Love Life Learning Center’s psycho-educational materials and website/blog activities are not psychotherapy, counseling, or a mental health treatment or therapy of any kind, nor should a Love Life Learning Center’s psycho-educational materials or website/blog activities be used as a substitute for psychotherapy or other appropriate and necessary mental health treatments and services.

The Love Life Learning Center’s materials and website/blog activities are not a psychiatric treatment for psychiatric symptoms or illness, nor should any of our psycho-educational materials or website/blog activities be used as a substitute for appropriate and necessary psychiatric treatments and services.

The Love Life Learning Center’s materials and website/blog activities are not a medical treatment. Our psycho-educational materials and website/blog activities will not prevent, cure, or treat any kind of medical, psychiatric, or psychological illness or problem, nor should our psycho-educational materials or wbsite/blog activities be utilized as a substitute for appropriate and necessary medical treatments and services. If you are currently suffering from suicidal, homicidal, or psychotic symptoms, or mental illness of any kind you should seek appropriate psychiatric and/or psychotherapeutic services at a hospital or clinic in your area.

The Love Life Learning Center’s materials and website/blog activities are not an emergency or clinical service of any kind. The Love Life Learning Center does not guarantee that your love-life, love relationships, or dating experiences, general health, or well-being will improve or be positively affected by listening to and/or reading its psycho-educational materials or participating in its website/blog activities.

The use of e-mail correspondence or tele-seminar services or any other website/blog activities at the Love Life Learning Center website does not intend to be or portray it self to be nor should it be used as a substitute for a mental health therapy, counseling, or clinical treatment of any kind.

Responsibility

The Love Life Learning Center is not responsible for any real or imagined damages that occur as a consequence of reading or listening to our psycho-educational materials or audio downloads/podcasts or participating in any other activity at our website/blog.

The Love Life Learning Center is not responsible for any psychological distress or emotional upset purported to be caused by our psycho-educational materials read or listened to, free or purchased at our website/blog, or while participating in any activity at our website/blog.

Intentions

The Love Life Learning Center is a privately owned and operated online psycho-educational service and has no relationship to or connection with any offline agencies bearing the same name or a similar name that provide services to individuals with love-life problems or other topics related to or unrelated to love life issues, themes, or problems.
The Love Life Learning Center is a psycho-educational service exclusively for adult men and women who are 21 years old and older. This service is not intended for children, adolescents, and young adults under the age of twenty-one (21), with or without parental consent.

The Love Life Learning Center is a psycho-educational service with an exclusive focus on love-life problems, solutions, and general love-life learning issues. The Love Life Learning Center is not an adult oriented website for the purpose of fostering adult oriented sexual activities, sexual fantasies, or other related adult-oriented entertainment.

The Love Life Learning Center is not a dating or introductory service for men and women seeking dating, meeting, and/or networking experiences.

The Love Life Learning Center is not for the procurement of online cyber-sexual contact or as a prelude to offline sexual contact or relations.

Competence & Authorship

The Love Life Learning Center website/blog is owned and operated by T. M. Jordan, Ph.D., Psychologist, P.C. a New York State based corporation. The views espoused in the psycho-educational free text and audio downloads/podcasts available at the Love Life Learning Center website/blog solely reflect the views of its owners and operators. Individual users participating in any and all of the Love Life Learning Center’s website/blog activities are solely and exclusively responsible for their own written and/or verbally expressed love-life and/or not love life related viewpoints.

Confidentiality

Any person reading or listening to free and/or purchased psycho- educational materials or participating in any website/blog activities at the Love Life Learning Center is encouraged to remain anonymous except in the reporting of personal information for the purpose of making a credit payment. This personal information is utilized by our credit processing company for sales related activities and subject to their rules and regulations. The Love Life Learning Center cannot be held responsible for any intentional or unintentional breach of this agreement to remain voluntarily anonymous before, during, and after utilizing its free or for sale psycho-educational materials or while participating in any website/blog activities.

Indemnify

As a user of free or for sale psycho-educational materials or webite/blog activities at the Love Life Learning Center website/blog you agree to indemnify the Love Life Learning Center together with its corporate officers, agents, employees, affiliates, parent companies, representatives, directors, shareholders and service providers and hold them harmless from any and all claims, fees, including but not limited to reasonable counsel fees, costs, judgments, damages and causes of action arising from or related to your use of its psycho-educational materials and/or audio downloads/podcasts and/or any and all of its website/blog activities.

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